Reset: Flipping Grace

How letting my boys make a mess taught me more about patience than any parenting book.

Making pancakes with my boys sounds simple.

It isn’t.

It’s a full-contact sport involving flour clouds,

egg casualties,

and enough batter splatter to qualify as modern art.

Painfully, I watch them mix inefficiently…

whisk clanking against the bowl like they’re trying to summon thunder. They pour uneven circles, flip too early, too often, or with enough force to launch a pancake into orbit.

Every instinct in me wants to step in: to take the spatula, to show the “right way,” to keep breakfast neat and efficient.

But I don’t.

Because I’m starting to realize that efficiency is rarely the goal of fatherhood.

Formation is.

So I let them over-mix.

I let one pancake fold in half and another burn a little too long.

And I stand there, biting my tongue, until the smell of butter and learning fills the kitchen.

That’s where the learning happens, for all of us. Instead of jumping in or correcting, I ask a question, share a laugh, or let the mistake finish cooking. They see that I’m not there to run the kitchen but to guide them through it. They don’t need a ten-step checklist...

just room to discover their own rhythm,

their own way.

And when they finally plate their creations…
one too thick,
one too thin,
one shaped like Michigan…
they beam. I take a bite, smile, and say the only thing that really matters:

“Perfect.”

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The Reflection

I used to think good parenting meant doing it right…

avoiding mistakes,

keeping things efficient,

and making sure everything looked put together. But I’m learning that formation takes time, curiosity, and shared messes.

Now I think it means doing it with them, not to them or for them.

Beside them, asking, encouraging, and occasionally rescuing a burnt breakfast.

Letting them whisk and flip their way through imperfection is slow, yes, but it’s also sacred. Control might make better pancakes, but it rarely makes better people.

And sometimes failure is the best ingredient of all.

We’ve started talking more openly about failing. How each mistake shapes us. We call it FAIL: First Attempt In Learning, a reminder that every misstep is just another step toward growth.

Flipping pancakes gives us the perfect conversation starter…

even a seasoned flipper like me still makes mistakes.

It’s a simple way to normalize failure and separate it from the unhealthy weight of perfectionism, guilt, and shame. Failure isn’t final, it’s just the first step in the learning process.

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The Scripture

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace is letting them spill the batter, flip too soon, and try again…

because that’s how they learn what enough heat,
enough patience,
and enough love really looks like.

Love that helps them build the confidence to try, fail, learn, and repeat.

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The Reset Reminder

Don’t rush the batter.
Don’t grab the spatula.
Just stand in the kitchen, breathe, and let grace do the stirring.

Your kids won’t remember how clean the kitchen was.

They’ll remember how you made them feel in it.