My daily schedule rarely lets my mind wander. Work, sports schedules, meal prep, kids homework, and the wildness of 4 boys keep giving it another job.
When I finally get a few sacred minutes to myself, my mind doesn’t know what to do with them.
It panics.
And signals my hand to grab my phone. Swipe up. Tap. And distractions await.
As dads, our to do list never really gets done. Especially if we are trying to create something on the side, coaching a team, or lead Scouts. We want to be active fathers in the lives of our children. Which requires us being more present, more connected, more active and disgustingly overscheduled.
The common thread is more, more, more. Its that more that prevents us from having anytime for a long pause. the kind of pause that is good for the mind, soul, and late night grumpies.
This week, I wrote about the long pauses I sue to get on the train in Chicago and the phone free walks, rides, and runs that are helping me find those long pauses again.
This Week’s Fieldwork
1 - Identify
Find times in your day that you could already take a long pause. Maybe after dropping the kids off at school, during lunch, after dinner, or on the way to the gym.
A walk counts, so does a bike ride. You don’t need to invent an hour that you don’t have by waking up earlier or going to be later.
2- Schedule
Put it somewhere you will see it. A sticky note. Outlook. Family calendar. Somewhere visible that will remind you what you will do and when. Openings have a way of disappearing.
3 - Protect
Leave your phone at home. If you have to bring it, keep it away or locked. Skip the podcast, music, or Audible book. Let yourself notice what’s around OR follow a thought you have.
Why This Works
When you have a full schedule, a pause can feel unproductive. Even negligent.,
Researchers studying creativity found that people who spent a break on a undemanding activity that allowed the brain to breath, showed up with more creativity towards a problem they encountered before the activity.
Simply resting was not as effective.
I can’t promise you’ll solve fatherhood or start painting like Picasso. But the research gives me a reason to let my mind wander,
and my nighttime grumps give me a reason to keep doing it.
Closing Reminder
I keep falling for the productivity trap that I have created for myself. The idea that accomplishing ONE more thing will make my evening easier.
Usually, what my family gets instead is a dad who is white knuckled his way through the day and brought the grumps home with him.
My list will be there after a walk or a ride. But I might show up to that list with a little bit more energy. A little bit more creativity. And maybe just a little bit more happiness.
Because…
Keep Exploring Fatherhood and Presence
Read: My Algorithm Wants Me to Be a Better Dad - What happens when even good self improvement content keeps us scrolling instead of being present
Listen: Garage Talk: Watching the Birdies - Exploring the wonderful tension of a 4 year old wanting to watch birdies when Dad just wants to get to the garage gym.
Read: Bedtime Brains and Doodle Therapy - How late night doodles help my son’s active brain power down for the night.