We often refer to kids as sponges. They pick up what we say. What we do. How we act. And even some not so great words from a show that they don’t fully understand.
Lately, I have been seeing myself as a sponge too. But less impressionable around ideas and more impressionable around feelings. Absorbing stress from work. Anger from traffic. Frustration from my wife. Even anger from the not so great words from a show that I watched.
It makes me feel heavy and emotionally gross. Like the sponge the morning after Thanksgiving when I forgot to wash it out before going to bed.
I wrote more about it in this week’s article →
As much as I want gratitude to magically change my attitude, sometimes it is just out of reach.
That’s when I reach for a one-minute pause. A pause to slow me down. Take a breath. Create a little space (and maybe loosen up the dirty sponge feeling).
I can then reach for gratitude.
Gratitude changes our attitude. The pause helps us find it.
This Week’s Fieldwork
1. Pause.
This is the hardest part.
When you feel overwhelmed. Angry. Tired. Frustrated.
Take 1 minute to breathe. To step back. To just pause.
No phone. No app. Just pause.
2. Breathe and Get Curious.
Depending on how triggered you are, the pause might not last long. That’s when you get curious.
Count the breaths. Listen to the wind in the trees. Track the squirrels.
Find something in your surroundings, and just notice it.
3. Notice the Gift.
Shift to gratitude.
Be thankful for the trees in your neighborhood. For the squirrels being active.
If you can’t find something in your surroundings, open your photos app.
Be grateful for the moments that you captured. Remember them. Feel them.
Why This Works
My brain is pretty good about finding things to worry about. Especially when I am already worried. Work. School. Kids. Wife.
Plenty of influencers call it a range of different things. I call it my magnifying mind.
Brain science would support this.
When we’re anxious, the need for safety is triggered in our brain. It then becomes hyper-focused on threats. Don’t think about threats just as a cheetah chasing you or an alien invasion. It often times is small…
The pile of clothes…
The stack of dirty dishes…
The small remark your son makes that doesn’t land well with you.
When our brain is triggered, anything and everything could be a threat. It can magnify the smallest things and convince our body that the remark is actually a cheetah. That’s why sometimes our reaction to a small thing feels way out of proportion. We are processing it as small, its a cheetah.
Research on mindfulness offers some support to what the Friday Fieldwork steps are trying to accomplish. When we can bring our attention to the present, we can become more aware of what we are experiencing. Rather than being controlled by what or brain is telling us is a threat.
Pause + gratitude? It gives us something else to do once we bring our brain to the present.
The stress doesn’t really disappear. It also isn’t the only thing we need to focus on.
Closing Reminder
Sometimes my sponge is extra gunky.
When that is the case, my attention can only magnify the negative.
A one-minute pause helps me slow it down.
Gratitude helps me shift its focus.
The gunk is still there, but it isn’t the only thing.
Sometimes, that’s my best way to combat what my mind wants to focus on, because....
Keep Exploring Gratitude
Read: The Magnifying Mind
More on how my magnifying mind can steal my attention from gratitude to a messy house.Listen: Gratitude > Gas (Especially on Mexican Night)
A podcast that talks about how gratitude on Taco Tuesday can change the feeling in the room, eventhough it can’t fix the smell.Read: Gratitude Was Helping Me. Then I Included My Boys.
Sometimes when you include your kids, things get harder. When I included them in my gratitude practice, it helped it get stronger.