When Perfection Shows Up in a Dad Hat

Battling shame spirals, one imperfect reset at a time.

Jul 14, 2025

I built a morning routine like it was my job.

Wake up at 5:00.
Cold shower.
Stillness.
Scripture.
Workout.
Recovery drink by 6:45.
All done before the first kid groans from under a pile of covers.

It’s iron-clad — as long as nothing goes wrong.

But then comes the late bedtime…
Or a sick kid…
Or a night of scrolling that ends with, “Wait, it’s 1:17 AM??”

And suddenly the plan crumbles.

You’d think I’d just adjust and start fresh the next day.
But nah. I spiral.

One miss turns into a week of “fixing” the routine, eating junk, and researching new supplements — instead of just drinking water and going to bed earlier.

It’s not laziness.
It’s perfectionism… dressed up as discipline.

What It Really Looks Like

And here’s the thing — I know how to battle perfectionism when I’m coaching my kids.

When one of my boys is up to bat, I don’t shout 25 swing tips from the dugout.
(Okay… not anymore.)
I cheer him on.
Celebrate the contact.
Let the progress be enough for today.

Or when one of them wipes down the windows and leaves a couple streaks?
I don’t immediately grab the rag and redo it.
I high-five the effort.
I say, “Way better than last time, man!”

In those moments, I choose praise.
I choose progress.

But with myself?

Not a chance.

One mistake, and it’s a spiral.
Shame kicks in.
And suddenly I’m not just fixing a routine — I’m questioning my worth

Why This Matters

Perfectionism isn’t a quirk. It’s a trap.
And it’s rising fast — especially for parents.

A major meta-analysis in Psychological Bulletin found that socially driven perfectionism is strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and burnout.
And when it shows up in parenting?
It doesn’t just weigh us down. It impacts our kids.

Research shows that children of perfectionist parents are more likely to internalize unrealistic expectations — increasing emotional distress and anxiety.

But here’s the good news:
When we model resets instead of rumination, our kids learn something powerful.

That failure isn’t final.
That presence matters more than perfection.
That grace is something we can practice — not just preach.

When I slow down long enough to reflect — or journal, or pray, or just try to get out of my own head — I try to ask what God might be showing me in it.

Sometimes I open my Bible app.
Sometimes it connects with something I already believe or something I am working on.
Sometimes I even open ChatGPT. (You use what you’ve got.)

But this time, I landed here:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.”
— Lamentations 3:22–23

I don’t need perfect days.
I need new mercies.

And they don’t just come in the morning.
They come with every breath.

If only I could give myself the grace I give my boys —
Grace that says, “Good job getting up and going outside.”
Grace that says, “It’s okay you didn’t read Scripture at dawn — you’ve still got lunch.”
Grace that reminds me God doesn’t need my perfection… just my presence.

🧭 This Week’s Reset: See the Success

Here’s what I’m working on this week:

1. Take a breath and find the good.

Unclench my jaw. Drop my shoulders.
Instead of replaying what I missed, I’m asking:
What did I do recently that mattered?

2. Say the reset aloud.

“Good job with ________. Let’s keep going.”
Let it interrupt the shame soundtrack.
If my kids hear it? Even better.
Grace is better caught than taught.

3. Do the next right thing.

Fold the towel.
Send the kind text.
Kneel beside the bed and whisper, “I love you.”
Just one small act of presence can shift the entire day.

I still love a good routine.
But I’m learning that routines are tools — not scorecards.
They’re meant to serve me, not shame me.

So if today didn’t go the way you hoped —
If the parenting didn’t match the Pinterest vision in your head…

Try a reset.
Not tomorrow.
Right now.

Because the perfect dad?
He’s a myth.

But the present one?
He’s enough.

👉 If this hit home, that’s what The Daily Dad Reset is all about.

Rhythms. Grace. And a way to show up again — without shame leading the charge.

Subscribe here to get these weekly resets straight to your inbox.