I love this! I never used to let my kids win on purpose. But (1) they were quick learns, and (2) evidently I wasn’t as good as I thought I was. My Jonah started beating me in chess by 7. I had no tricks to teach him.
Let’s just say that I have started reading about chess strategy after the kids go to bed! Mainly to (1) keep myself learning and eventually teaching them strategy and (2) because my ego can’t stand losing at them yet!
LOL. You win—you have a stronger ego than I do. My kids are competitive, and I marvel at their ability to learn something and then run with it like a break away in hockey. It happens the other way around for me - it gets to be no fun to compete with them because I just can't! At some point I told my son I'm not playing chess with him anymore; he was making my brain hurt. I didn't care enough about chess. I loved LOVED Mario and was darn good at it. But couldn't keep up with that either with either of my kids. Or with math (my now 23 year old son double degreed in Math and Physics) or... writing (my 27 year old daughter double degreed in playwriting and 19th century literature). 🤷🏻♀️ I guess ultimately, that's what we want for our kids - to be better than us.
Exactly. That’s the goal, right? We want them to be better than us. But not just at chess or MarioKart…
at being kind humans, resilient, and healthy in all the ways that matter most (which is why I love reading your stuff!)
I really appreciate this dialogue. It’s a good reminder that what matters isn’t keeping up, but growing alongside them. When they see us learning, laughing, and struggling too, they learn that growth isn’t about a perfect step by step plan or perfection…
I have 3 step children and my wife just gave birth to twin boys two days ago, and while the connection is their after 2 years of being a stay at home dad this still didn't click with me entirely until I read this! Thank you for helping me be a better father than I already am!
our firsts were twins too. There’s something special (and uniquely chaotic) about that bond between parents of twins. Seriously, feel free to reach out anytime; advice from someone who’s been there just hits differently.
And I really appreciate you sharing that this helped you get better than you already are. That means a lot. My biggest fear with my writing is that it might make some dads feel “not enough,” when really, it’s just meant as encouragement… reminders to keep striving for better, not perfection.
I've always felt that the pursuit of perfection balanced with the understanding that it's not achievable is what strives me to do better without looking at failure as anything more than feedback. Striving for goals that are out of reach is what makes heroes.
It was the same for me when I was a kid with my older brother. They were always beating me but also so supportive. I learned to watch them and then come back better. Not for competition but for fun. Thank you for sharing this! (Mario Kart is a great game😄)
Mariokart might be one of the more iconic games out there! High standards and high support is really the best of both worlds. You wanted to earn the win but also felt like they still loved you and were there to help. As a dad, leader, brother, or friend that is the winning formula.
I’ve got a three year old who thinks Mario Kart is just “go fast and crash” and an infant who drools on the controller, so we are not really racing yet, but this still hits. I learned fast that if I turn everything into Dad winning, my kid checks out. When I slow down, teach him something, or just celebrate the effort, he lights up. It is not about the game, it is about building confidence and connection before they are even old enough to drift a corner. Love this reset.
Great application for the younger kids! My 4 year old just loves to be apart of it all. We cheer him on randomly at times, and he loves it. Hopefully that type of acknowledgment is laying the seeds for future resilience and laughter.
Exactly. Half the time my kid is holding the controller upside down and still feels like he’s winning because we’re cheering like he just won the championship. If that builds resilience and belly laughs, I’ll keep doing it. One day they’ll smoke us fair and square… and we’ll pretend we’re totally fine with it 😅
I love this! I never used to let my kids win on purpose. But (1) they were quick learns, and (2) evidently I wasn’t as good as I thought I was. My Jonah started beating me in chess by 7. I had no tricks to teach him.
Let’s just say that I have started reading about chess strategy after the kids go to bed! Mainly to (1) keep myself learning and eventually teaching them strategy and (2) because my ego can’t stand losing at them yet!
LOL. You win—you have a stronger ego than I do. My kids are competitive, and I marvel at their ability to learn something and then run with it like a break away in hockey. It happens the other way around for me - it gets to be no fun to compete with them because I just can't! At some point I told my son I'm not playing chess with him anymore; he was making my brain hurt. I didn't care enough about chess. I loved LOVED Mario and was darn good at it. But couldn't keep up with that either with either of my kids. Or with math (my now 23 year old son double degreed in Math and Physics) or... writing (my 27 year old daughter double degreed in playwriting and 19th century literature). 🤷🏻♀️ I guess ultimately, that's what we want for our kids - to be better than us.
Exactly. That’s the goal, right? We want them to be better than us. But not just at chess or MarioKart…
at being kind humans, resilient, and healthy in all the ways that matter most (which is why I love reading your stuff!)
I really appreciate this dialogue. It’s a good reminder that what matters isn’t keeping up, but growing alongside them. When they see us learning, laughing, and struggling too, they learn that growth isn’t about a perfect step by step plan or perfection…
it’s about empathy, persistence, and joy.
that's absolutely right! Thanks for finding me. I'm happy you enjoy my stuff. I'm glad we connected.
I have 3 step children and my wife just gave birth to twin boys two days ago, and while the connection is their after 2 years of being a stay at home dad this still didn't click with me entirely until I read this! Thank you for helping me be a better father than I already am!
Twins are no joke…
our firsts were twins too. There’s something special (and uniquely chaotic) about that bond between parents of twins. Seriously, feel free to reach out anytime; advice from someone who’s been there just hits differently.
And I really appreciate you sharing that this helped you get better than you already are. That means a lot. My biggest fear with my writing is that it might make some dads feel “not enough,” when really, it’s just meant as encouragement… reminders to keep striving for better, not perfection.
I've always felt that the pursuit of perfection balanced with the understanding that it's not achievable is what strives me to do better without looking at failure as anything more than feedback. Striving for goals that are out of reach is what makes heroes.
It was the same for me when I was a kid with my older brother. They were always beating me but also so supportive. I learned to watch them and then come back better. Not for competition but for fun. Thank you for sharing this! (Mario Kart is a great game😄)
Mariokart might be one of the more iconic games out there! High standards and high support is really the best of both worlds. You wanted to earn the win but also felt like they still loved you and were there to help. As a dad, leader, brother, or friend that is the winning formula.
I’ve got a three year old who thinks Mario Kart is just “go fast and crash” and an infant who drools on the controller, so we are not really racing yet, but this still hits. I learned fast that if I turn everything into Dad winning, my kid checks out. When I slow down, teach him something, or just celebrate the effort, he lights up. It is not about the game, it is about building confidence and connection before they are even old enough to drift a corner. Love this reset.
Great application for the younger kids! My 4 year old just loves to be apart of it all. We cheer him on randomly at times, and he loves it. Hopefully that type of acknowledgment is laying the seeds for future resilience and laughter.
Exactly. Half the time my kid is holding the controller upside down and still feels like he’s winning because we’re cheering like he just won the championship. If that builds resilience and belly laughs, I’ll keep doing it. One day they’ll smoke us fair and square… and we’ll pretend we’re totally fine with it 😅
Yep! But deep down, we will know that our MarioKart domination might be over!