Friday Fieldwork: The Redo Rule
Helping your kids see that reflection, not perfection, is the real win.
This post builds from a recent post about how teaching chess and offering re-dos helped my boys learn strategy and reflection while I could still try to crush them. Read more about it here.
In our house, the “redo rule” started as a chess experiment, six takebacks per game.
It didn’t take long to realize it was less about strategy and more about grace and growth.
Every redo gave my boys a chance to pause, think, and try again.
No shame attached.
Growth was the focus.
Connection. Conversation. Reflection.
And over time, I saw it shift something deeper: they learned that grace doesn’t erase mistakes; it redeems them.
This Week’s Fieldwork: The Redo Rule
Here’s your reset for this week:
Give a redo.
When your kid messes up: breaks a rule, snaps back, rushes a choice...offer a redo without lecture or judgment. Let grace go first.
Guide the reflection.
Ask, “What would you do differently?” not, “Why did you do that?” It keeps the focus on learning, not guilt. Guide the conversation towards different choices and then choosing the best one.Do a redo together.
Let them try again, taking their own advice, even if it is pretend. This time, name what was different: “You slowed down.” “You stayed calm.” “You showed kindness.” Grace lands best when you can see what’s changed.
Why It Works
Psychologists call it error-based learning—the brain grows stronger when mistakes are followed by reflection, not punishment. Grace invites ownership, rewires shame into resilience, and builds trust between you and your child.
When the focus is on helping your child reflect and get better, mistakes aren’t the end of the story, because their is always the opportunity to reflect and get better.
And isn’t that what we want…
for our kids to worry less about perfection and focus more on just getting better?
Closing Reminder
We do accidental “redos” all the time, but calling them out on purpose hits different. It tells them we believe they can choose better, not that they’re a bad kid. That’s the kind of runway I want my kids landing on.
Brilliant article. Asking “What would you do differently?” is an absolute game-changer; one we can all use throughout life. Here’s to making better decisions (and learning from the bad ones)! ✨