Friday Fieldwork: Feel the Spike, Find the Signal
Because sometimes the interruption is the invitation.
This one connects to a moment I shared on Monday. No need to read it first, but if you’re curious how Old Dominion, dishes, and dad rage come together, it’s there for you.
Tommy and I were elbows-deep in suds, jamming to Old Dominion.
Both of us halfway singing, halfway soaking the floor.
It felt like a win — light, connected, easy.
Then Bobby burst in.
“Joey’s cheating again! He always waits a second and then wins rock-paper-scissors!”
Boom. The energy shifted.
So did I.
I snapped.
Not because I was mad at Bobby — but because the good moment got hijacked.
That’s when it hit me: I wasn’t just reacting. I was spiraling.
Here’s what I’ve seen for years — in students, teachers, and leaders — and what I’m still learning as a dad:
When connection gets interrupted, our brain panics.
We default to the Compass of Shame — four instinctive reactions to emotional pain:
Withdraw – pull away
Avoid – distract or deflect
Attack Others – lash out (hello, snapping)
Attack Self – spiral in guilt
That night? I did both.
Snapped at Bobby. Then turned on myself.
Classic shame sandwich.
But here’s the key: awareness interrupts the spiral.
That’s how we start building shame resilience.
You can’t always prevent the spike.
But you can notice it — and choose what happens next.
🧠 Try This During:
Family chaos moments
Sibling fights
Anytime joy gets interrupted
🛠️ Examples:
Pause before reacting
Say: “That just flipped something in me.”
Repair with intention: “Sorry I snapped — that wasn’t really about you.”
🔍 Why It Matters:
Your kids don’t need perfection.
They need presence.
When you model self-awareness, you give them permission to build theirs.
🧪 Fieldwork Prompt:
This weekend, notice the interruption spike.
When your reaction flares, pause and ask:
“Am I reacting to what happened… or to what just got taken away?”
Then take a breath.
Choose repair.
Let connection be the thing you rebuild.
